if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
