literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
