the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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