She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
