Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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