Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize