FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
