so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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