After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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