You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
