Pants 0. Shit 1.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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