Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
NoShamevember. You game?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
