she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
