I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
