You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just had sex bonerless
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
