C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
