I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
