i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
