So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
