My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
