she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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