I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
