Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
