My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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