so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
