Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
