break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
