Im at strip club and am horny
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
As shirtless as possible
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
