Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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