The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
