you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
