sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
