and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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