the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
