I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
