the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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