Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
