got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
