maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
