She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
