So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize