She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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