I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize