Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
