oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
