Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I will pee on everything he values.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
