tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sober January is a disaster.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
