How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
