I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she smelled like a LAN party
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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