In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
