I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
