I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
