Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
