His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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