So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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