i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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