you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
