it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
