I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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