Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
