haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
