Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
