the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
