I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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