I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
