i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I would fuck him just for his dog
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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