I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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