Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
