Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
